Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness that centers on the inability to manage emotions effectively. The disorder occurs in the context of relationships: sometimes all relationships are affected, sometimes only one. It usually begins during adolescence or early adulthood.
While some persons with BPD are high functioning in certain settings, their private lives may be in turmoil. Most people who have BPD suffer from problems regulating their emotions and thoughts, impulsive and sometimes reckless behavior, and unstable relationships
Other disorders, such as depression, anxiety disorders, eating disorders, substance abuse and other personality disorders can often exist along with BPD
The diagnosis of BPD is frequently missed and a misdiagnosis of BPD has been shown to delay and/or prevent recovery. Bipolar disorder is one example of a misdiagnosis as it also includes mood instability. There are important differences between these conditions but both involve unstable moods. For the person with bipolar disorder, the mood changes exist for weeks or even months. The mood changes in BPD are much shorter and can even occur within the day.
The Borderline Waif:
The Borderline Waif seldom exhibits the harsh or volatile traits we've come to associate with other BPD types. Waifs usually appear fragile, needful andvictimized by their relationships and life circumstances.
If your Waif lover has BPD Queen traits, she's dissociated from her dark or negative emotions (like anger), because she believes them to be unacceptable and "wrong," so she sure as hell won't make any room for yours! If she feels reprimanded or criticized, her natural anger will likely be submerged, but may get replaced by an imperious, judgmental, shaming tone, which she'll smack you with, from high atop her pedestal. The Queen always has to occupy the one-up position in all her relationships. If you trigger her core shame, she'll become highly indignant, and immediately deflect these feelings by going on the offensive to shame you.
The original article on BPD Waifs can be found here By Shari Schreiber, M.A..
Below are quotes from people around the web who have experienced interaction with BPD Women (myself included).
Having met and dealt with 2 ladies with this problem, I have some advice for you. First, let me explain why I ran into and keep running into them: If you’re a nice guy, ambitious and going somewhere with your life, you are their “Prince”… “Savior”.. “Dream-come-true”. It’s you they’ve been looking for all their life! Once you hear those words, she’s likely BPD. How she will get you sucked in will be to mirror your lifestyle. Your passion and lifestyle is hers.. She automatically becomes the girl you’re looking for!
Soon, pretty soon, she can’t pretend and act like you anymore.. So you see who she really is and that turns you off. You then fail to meet her needs and desires as you’d been doing when you thought she was your kind of girl…and then you have become her worst enemy. All she’s waiting for now is a form of replacement for you and she’ll treat you so bad that you might end up crying..if you weren’t ready for it. They live from one rebound to the next rebound.. sometimes, returning to an ex- of 5 years or more.Your role now: Know yourself!.. Don’t let her heartless, wicked actions get you feeling bad.She came into your life to leave eventually..and she’s gone. So, live happy..
If you have to go to court for the child you had with her (BIG mistake on your side..but I guess you didn’t know), go there, pay what you have to pay, don’t argue with her, just act as if she’s winning and making your life miserable. That makes her feel good about herself but you know better. You know yourself. Be happy that nature has removed this burden from you and you’re free emotionally. Celebrate man!!!
I have been married to one for eight years. She has been cheating on me for 4. We just finalized our divorce. Jaizzee advice is good agree on something fair as far as child support or visitation and don’t argue. We actually did an uncontested divorce and it went smoothly. The best thing to do is never to contact them again. It is hard for me because of my son and having to see her 3-4 times a week.Jaizzee is correct.
They play the poor me victim role perfectly. Usually telling you their tragic life story very early in a relationship. They are looking for a hero a rescuer.This is called idealization. They make you the center of their universe and because they have no sense of self or identity they become the person they think you want them to be.They are masterful actors and manipulators.
They will worship you and be jealous and clingy until you do something that makes them decide you are not the person they wanted (could be anything, for me I believe it was a golf vacation for a week with friends, they can’t be alone and take it as abandonment. ) then they deflate or devalue you and find a replacement.
They will discard you and make you feel horrible after that, the trouble is instead of leaving they will stay with you so they can take revenge on you. BPD are love addicts themselves and cannot be without a relationship.They do not feel whole because of no sense of self without someone else.
Example of their abandonment issue is She told me if she sees me dating there will be hell to pay for me and for the girl.The problem is people like myself that get hooked up with Borderlines especially for 9 years need help and have issues ourselves. This may include either being codependants or love addicts, or even narcissists.
I am 6 months out of a marriage with my BPD wife. I know it was the right decision to leave intellectually, but because of my loss issues, I still miss her and blame myself for the marriage not working. Two years ago I had cancer surgery. Five days after the surgery, she was upset with me and said I was thoughtless not to ask her if she needed to use the bedroom to masturbate since I had been home from the hospital.
Still hard to fathom she actually did that and I could never look at her the same since that point. But how do I get over missing her and blaming myself at times for not making the marriage work?
Hi Gee, I remember my first date with my borderline ex, she posed the question “would you give me a baby?”. Red flag No.1, I chose to ignore it, however I didn’t anticipate that ‘babies’ would feature regularly during our relationship despite my reluctance to have children with her. You don’t miss her, like a drug you miss the way she made you feel.
Keep running, don’t look back, there’s nothing but chaos and torture ahead of you if you choose to fall back in to her web. BTW her captivating charm and great looks are the tools with which she uses to ensnare her victims, the honeymoon period is over before you know it and believe me when you rumble a borderline the fall out can be spectacular. Be careful and stay away from her.
Get away from her!” My ex was a little more subtle but still the same confusing behaviour and craziness.Because of her religious upbringing, she lived a life close to her parents who claimed she had “depression” but always played down her ailments. She was always on the phone to guys but made it my issue if I brought up how I thought that her boundaries with a bit lacking.All of the red flags were apparent with my ex.
Texting how perfect I was too soon, crazy periods of abandonment, break ups, other guys on the scene, telling me off for being aroused by her, then eventually a pregnancy and child.She used the legal system to break it off with me when the child was 6 months old and she has two kids with her ex also and broke it off with him the same way.You also mentioned that these sort of ex’s can ruin you for your next relationship.
That is true in a number of ways but you can take your power back. Firstly, they can ruin the relationship you have with yourself.They erode your trust and for some reason, we let them. They play with the person inside you that can tell right from wrong and make sound decisions in your best interests.
They can also ruin it for the woman or man that may be the next person to form a bond with you, although it is really important that you get your whole self back before you get into the market. And finally, because my ex was “supposedly” naive, I have given her a lot of “stuff’ to use to trap men in her web for the future. She thrived on conversations and they would last for hours sometimes.
She became even more dangerous at the end of our “whatever you call it.”I have regrets about my involvement in her life because each person is a “game” and she plays them to win. She always loved to brag about how she turned the tables on a guy who didn’t think much of her in bed.She said she wanted to be married, live together forever but she finds it hard to live with herself for the duration of a week, let alone share a life with anyone else.
I stayed at her house a handful of times and couldn’t get past two days without her either getting into an argument over something that was trivial or resolvable without a drama or breaking up.There were so many break ups during the eighteen months we were seeing each other. It actually doesn’t even qualify to write seeing each other because you can’t be in a relationship with her.
Other examples included wanting to get her dog put down because it was active in her yard and she was not taking it for a walk. Bragging that the child she was carrying was someone else’s and then laughing at me. Telling me constantly that nobody likes me when none of her several “charity case churchy” friends had ever met me.
All based on her gaslighted version of the truth.This girl basically could not decide whether she was loved or hated and blamed it all on whoever was closest.I’m sure she has a play toy now who is either a) suckering in and being eroded or b) getting out of her toxic reach.
And to answer your question will she come back into your life. They are always up for attention and is doesn’t matter who from. They are impulsive and when they are asked to remember something that they did, they put a totally different spin on it and make it sound even reasonable.
My ex could make hanging out with two guys overnight while still in a relationship sound so convincing that I would start to question my sanity. I had never seen or heard anything like it until I met it.If she tried to come back, it’s because she is bored or wants something from you.They don’t come back for good reasons.
They come back to play a game or pass the time or have sex. If you are emotionally attached or sexually attached, then you are an easy target so it is really important to either talk to someone or work through your feelings about this. Your attraction is not the same as theirs generally.
She also may not come back because she has the ability to plow through hundreds of people and play games but she will hit an snag at some point and be slowed down. Hope you get yourself back and stay strong ok!